How To Sell Yourself Without Being "Salesy" In A Sports World That Values Humility
The biggest skill you can take away from recruiting is learning how to toot your own horn, tactfully.
Even Josh Allen had to email over 1,000 college coaches out of junior college to find his eventual spot at Wyoming.
Recruiting’s not only hard, but it also requires learning how to sell oneself in a sport that holds humility as one of its core leadership tenets.
Selling yourself is one of the most useful skills you can takeaway from recruiting.
It’s the first time in a young person’s life when they’ll need to learn how to “talk to big people” and ask them for something they want with real risk in them saying ‘no’
For most of a kid’s life it is the adult’s job - the parent, teacher or coach - to go to them, give them the benefit of the doubt, and give them opportunities by virtue of them being themselves.
It’s not a zero sum world, nor should we want K-12 education to be one.
But, recruiting - especially as it is in 2025 - is zero sum, is definitely a business and has real stakes for college coaches. Real like needing to tell your wife you got fired, need to sell the house and move across the country for a new job, real, if they get it wrong on too many recruits.
There is a top 2% of freak recruits whose frames will get them recruited to Ohio State even if they do everything else wrong. I love this line by a friend who runs their own recruiting consultancy for WR’s in North Carolina:
I don’t care if you’re from Mars, if you can play football, coaches will find every excuse to play you.
For the other 98% of mere mortals reading this, you need to learn the skill of sales.
Sales is a tortured word in 2025. We all think of the pushy car salesman who won’t take no for an answer.
But, sales when done well, can actually be an enjoyable, or at least not awful, experience for everyone involved.
The purpose of selling isn’t to make the sale. It is to decide on whether or not the sale should take place in the first place.
When you speak with college coaches you are not trying to get them to offer you, you are trying to determine if there is a fit academically, athletically and personally between both sides. If there isn’t a fit, there’s no sale, but more importantly, there’s no hard feelings.
A great salesman won’t have their day ruined because you didn’t buy the Cadillac - it’s a car, not them. But, a great recruit may still have a bad day if a coach says there is no fit because they count who they are as an athlete with who they are as a person.
It’s very difficult to ask a young person to bifurcate their play from their personality, but to finish recruiting with some semblance of sanity, you need to learn how to do this.
You are not your performance. You are also not what a college coach assumes about you who says no. You are you.
Blair Enns, author of a great book Win Without Pitching recommends never expressing desire that exceeds the level of desire you are receiving back from someone you are trying to do a deal with. Recruits can get overeager, too fast. You should match the energy level, nearly, of the coaches recruiting you. Exceed it, and you risk turning them off from neediness. But, be too cold, and you risk losing momentum as well. It’s a delicate balance.
You probably don’t need to follow up 12 hours after you sent an unread DM, maybe wait 72 hours for that!
Moreover, it’s also worth noting that you’re going to hear two things a lot:
No
and/or
Nothing
The mathematics of recruiting (which are highly anecdotal to my own experiences) tells me that usually 1 out of every 20 coaches will reply to you with genuine interest, and 1 out of every 20 genuine replies will lead somewhere towards a tangible offer. That means - again very bad math here - you’re looking at 40+ outreaches before you might see any possible tangible movement in the right direction.
If a coach says no, be thankful. A no is at least something you can act on. You now can follow up:
I really appreciate the honesty, not every coach is honest. Was there something specific in my tape or academics or that I did that might have been the reason why you are going in another direction? I’d like to improve however I could, this is all business and totally not personal. Thank you!
Yet, most coaches won’t say no outright for a few reasons. First, they don’t want the drama of dealing with an immature high school recruit flipping out or their parent impersonating them on their X account flipping out - these are both still high school kids and parents who don’t understand how the game of recruiting is played. Second, there is a whacky scenario in recruiting where your 5th option becomes your only option. Coaches will want at least good enough communication lines with their backup options that they can reignite in a hurry if needed.
At a fundamental level, to get good at selling yourself, you need to see yourself as doing something noble and helpful.
If you truly believe you are going to help a program win more games and score more points, then you have an ethical duty to communicate your value to college coaches who need you to keep their paychecks secure.
Mastering this skill is about more than just recruiting—it's about building confidence, resilience, and communication skills that will serve you well in every aspect of life. Remember, advocating for yourself today lays the groundwork for a brighter future beyond athletics.
You are not bothering coaches when you DM them. They are mostly big boys and girls who are not going to lose sleep over another DM from a hopeful recruit.
Key Takeaways:
Selling Yourself: Recruiting teaches young athletes the invaluable skill of self-promotion and professional communication.
Rejection is Part of the Process: Expect to hear “no” or nothing at all more often than not. Use these moments to grow and improve.
Sales Mindset: Focus on whether there’s a true fit between you and the program, rather than forcing a result.
Resilience Matters: Remember that you are not your performance or a single coach’s opinion. Rejections are part of the path.
Effective Communication: Match the energy of the coaches recruiting you, follow up thoughtfully, and avoid appearing too needy or disengaged.
Numbers Game: Understand that successful recruiting takes persistence—expect to send dozens of messages before gaining traction.
Noble Duty: If you believe you can contribute to a program, see it as an ethical responsibility to communicate your value.
That’s all for now,
Brendan
P.S. This was a more philosophical article, but if you’d like more tactical specific help with talking to coaches, you might want to check out my book here, Exactly What To Say To Coaches.
P.P.S. When you’re ready, let’s set up a free discovery call. I only take on one new family a month to work with.